Mommy Confession

I have a confession to make. I don’t really like nannies. I don’t trust them. And the more they think you need them, the more demanding they get, or the more short cuts they make. I also don’t trust them because I grew up on their steed. They were my first examples of sneakiness, disobedience, and blackmail and manipulation. The mice would play when the cat is away, that’s what I learned at a very young age.

I am a very quiet person and so I never really discussed this with anyone. But really, a strong confession, I hate nannies. They steal my things, they call my mother names, and they trust me with little secrets that I’m not allowed to tell my parents. They blackmail me to do what they want and they always threaten me that no one will take care of me when they leave (which as a child, I believed). This hasn’t changed much when I became the boss. They were very much the same now as they were when I was young.

This school year (I live my life in school years), I’ve had four nannies. Each one had her own personality. It was a good thing Ozzy was going to school and therapy that he hardly ever stays home by himself. When Ozzy’s long time yaya left to care for her own son, I was teaching in the school year and had no choice but to hire someone, ANYONE. So if she had been to jail, yes, I would have hired her. I needed to be at work. There was no option.

My long time yaya was always on vacation when I went on vacation. Christmas, Summers, Holy Week was her vacation. She was vacation hungry. She was off every other week on Saturday overnights and no matter how I tell her to be back by Sunday night so that I can get my work done in time for school, she never comes. She comes in on Monday morning.  And because she has been with me for so long, I just got used to it. Never mind the work that I have to do (even if it pays) for her service. She can always give me good excuses. I let her because she was good to Ozzy, but wasn’t good to me.

The second one lied about the money I sent for her transportation and told her aunt (who recommended her to me) that she wasn’t getting fed. She eats.  She cooks it herself and could eat as much as she wants of it. I spend 5K on food alone for two weeks, and my husband and I hardly even eat at home.  She would let Ozzy watch her telenovela tv shows that were seen through her cellphone despite my explicit instruction of no TV allowed. She uses my slippers and uses dinner spoons to cook food while both were corrected repeatedly. Ozzy was coughing for months. He lost a lot of weight. His chest x rays were clear, but we were at the doctor a LOT. She didn’t reinforce packing or proper eating. Ozzy stopped packing away and eating by himself.  I was exhausted. I bathe Ozzy, feed him, do homework with him, prepare his things, pack his snacks, while surviving six classes everyday. When she asked to leave, I was happy to let her go but not without a replacement.

The third one had extreme allergies and just couldn’t avoid eating things that affected her. She blamed me for everything: the soap, the dishwashing, the food. She made me pay for medications, at least 1.5K a month because of the Kasambahay Bill and kept threatening me with it. It would always come up in every light moment. She kept blaming her allergies on the soap we use and the food we buy. I told her to prepare her kind of food and constantly asked her which cleaning products to buy. I was kind to her.  I even gave her a cellphone to contact her kids. Although she had wits about her, she always wanted her salary to come before day off. I try to afford it. But our salaries don’t come that way. My husband and I have to wait for salary dates. I was so desperate I try to please her. When I finally said no to her on that, she started gossiping about the things I buy and the stuff we spend on with the neighbor’s maid (My MIL’s, the one who does our laundry and keeps them in her room for a week, sometimes two! No wonder I kept buying because I always felt we kept running out. I only discovered this when I stayed home). Luckily I overheard her and confronted her about it. She stayed with me for three months. Time and again, she uses dinnerware to cook food. What’s up with that?

The fourth one stayed for a month, but that was because I already knew that I was done with this monkey business. She was holding my son too hard because she didn’t want him to move about. That’s impossible for a hyperactive boy. Ozzy was shouting, “Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!” And she wouldn’t let go despite the plea. Ozzy was coughing after two weeks under her care. She couldn’t cook and has never been a nanny. She simply needs the money and I needed to finish the school year and so she agreed to the arrangement. I tended the cooking and we hardly ate at home. When she left, I discovered that the food I buy could last us for four weeks instead of two with me eating at home and my husband bringing lunch to work.

Dealing with nannies is stressful. Somewhere in all this I lost my second baby. I worked 6 classes everyday. Graded 890+ students quarterly. Life is light now that I don’t have to hire another nanny. I feel ten years younger! Haha! I do the housework, I care for Ozzy. We run all the errands. I know my supplies. Nothing is wasted. I maximize our resources. I get my family involved from time to time with Ozzy and Ozzy likes it. He feels cared for. The rules are kept as rules and he learns to respect them. He can tell me anything and we can argue as much as we want. He’s more obedient now more than ever. And I’m, over all, happier.

Many women feel that they have to hire nannies for their babies because they don’t have a choice. They are compelled to leave the house on the dot every day to respond to the “greater good”.  I don’t get lunch breaks (just as it is at work --- working lunch break, I call it, just so I won't have to bring work home). I pick up after our messes. I solve every issue big and small. But even if I don’t get to go out as often as I’d want to or have time for myself, I feel so blessed to have a choice to stay home.  It’s so good to be in control of the home again. I thank God for this reprieve!