Lawrence Porthos Victoria

Internment

November 16, 2012, Friday

“Lawrence Porthos Montes Victoria : 13 November 2012 - 13 November 2012. In the few months he lived in April Montes Victoria 's womb he gave us joy and peace. We commend his soul to God who is all merciful. Although he is without legal personality, he is a person. His 'tent' we shall put into a decent resting place. His memory shall bring us smiles of one walking hand in hand, feeling the warmth, of the palm of our ever caring Father.” --- my father’s words.

We had Porthos cremated. We were going to put him in my parent’s ossuary. After filling up the paper work (death certificate for fetal demise), blessing, cremation, and payments, my husband held my hand and said, “We are wiser now.” I don’t know exactly what piece of wisdom we got, but I did feel we were stronger together now more than ever. We were going to bury our child.

November 18, 2012, Sunday

Matthew 19:14. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

We buried Porthos on a Sunday afternoon at around 1pm. My siblings, parents, and in laws attended. A good mommy friend came. It was simple. They say unborns go straight up to heaven and become angels and so we didn’t have to wait for forty days. I know he is watching over us from heaven.

Recovery

Until this day, I don’t know why it happened. I can only tell you how it happened. There was no more heartbeat. That was all.

I have trusted the will God in all my life’s experience, and his faithfulness have always brought good, but for this, there is more confusion in my heart than definite answers. It gives me an opportunity to trust Him and carry on. I am not leaving this part of my life behind me. For sure I will carry this around; sometimes like a badge of honor, sometimes like a haunting memory.

For the past couple of days, I have been spending my time with Ozzy. It has been Ozzy and Mommy adventures again. I pray one day, Ozzy Bear’s Crib will make room for another one.