First Time Mom

My husband and I were married for five years before we had a baby. It was quite an experience for both of us.   And truly a strengthening experience for me. I’ve read of other difficult first time mom experiences and mine would’ve been a bit average. Although I had to learn things on my own,  I have totally embraced what I have gone through and claim it as a means to do God’s will. I can manage and accept failure with everything else except being a good mother to my son ozzy and a loving wife to my husband bits. 

Like many things I believe in, I dove into playing this role one hundred percent.  Slowing down with my career and plummeting into a future of earning nothing except my son’s strong sense of family.  It sounds pretty romantic  but in translation, this meant diaper changing every four hours, food flying around during mealtimes, tantrums, conversing with a 1.9 year old who barely made sense, and never having a quiet time, a clean shirt, or the liberty to look (and feel) posh and polished. It was a full time job with no lunch break or punching out. It was both humbling and demanding at the same time.

 It has been months since I have signed my honorable dismissal paper from an institution I’ve had seven memorable years with and I have not yet had the urge to run back. Contrary to how my goals at 31 should be when women in their 30’s are in the most creative time of one’s life.  According to studies women should focus on their work on this creative stage because it’s the time they are offered promising career stability. Shouldn’t I be taking advantage of that? Or should I take this opportunity to raise my child and be there every time he needs to be hugged, reprimanded, or encouraged? Or can I successfully schedule these opportunities until after 5pm or only on the weekends?

The way I look at it, I’m investing time and certainly resources to raise my son by getting to know him and vice versa. This understanding of one another will allow us to relate better to each other through tough times.  When I was working, I would spend a lot of time looking for educational toys. Now, my son and I spend more time taking toys apart rather than shopping for more. It’s an interest of his. Rather than wondering why his toys don’t last long enough, I recognized his true motivation is to see how toys work and how they hold together. It’s a relationship I have to work on myself. I’ve had to learn his language. This makes a lot of difference for me and a world of difference for him to know that his mom understands him.